1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:02,770
Things are really starting

2
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,172
to heat up
on "The Guest Book," bruh.

3
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,706
That stripper fell
for some dude

4
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,176
who was staying at the cabin,
but he bailed on her.

5
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,377
So now, she all pissed.

6
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,146
And the doctor
who lives next door,

7
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,514
his wife brought a date
with her to his house.

8
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,383
So things aren't looking great
for that marriage.

9
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,185
And the people the stripper
rented the cabin to

10
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,187
broke the shitter,
so the old dude is worried

11
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,222
his wife might find out
what he's been up to.

12
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,490
Is there nudity?

13
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,325
Partial.

14
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,195
**

15
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:30,431
* Wherever we go

16
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,067
* That's fine by me

17
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,736
* We'll settle our bones

18
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,338
* Eventually

19
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,773
* Yeah, I need a break,
I need a minute *

20
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:43,411
* Just give me one day

21
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:48,116
* Let's get, get, get away

22
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,785
[ Bird calling in distance ]

23
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,255
Adam: What a cool place!

24
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:57,658
You have 63 VHS tapes,
12 spoons, 11 forks.

25
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,461
The kitchen has 21 cabinet
doors and 2 curtains.

26
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,097
There's 16 chairs
in the house and 2 stools.

27
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,633
The deer antlers on
the chandelier have 32 points.

28
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,502
There are three peanut MandMs
under the couch cushions.

29
00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:11,472
I would have thrown them away,
but I'm allergic to peanuts.

30
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:14,475
There are 13 lamps,
71 frog figurines.
[ Croaks ]

31
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:15,709
There are 21 pieces
of plastic food in the bowl

32
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,545
in the kitchen.

33
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:20,248
My name is Adam,
and I love to count.

34
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,485
7 hours, 23 minutes,
and 18 seconds ago,

35
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,355
I drove 84.6 miles
to the mountains

36
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:31,192
to stay in your lovely
781-square-foot cabin.

37
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,361
[ Country music playing ]

38
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,896
Heel, two, heel.

39
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:40,401
[ Telephone rings ]

40
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,602
Mount Trace Rentals.

41
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:45,539
Did you rent
Froggy Cottage last weekend?

42
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,808
Uh, no. Why?

43
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:50,578
I think somebody busted in
and broke the toilet.

44
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,813
-I'm-a call the police.
-No, no, no.

45
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,515
Hello?
[ Receiver clatters ]

46
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,787
Hi. My name is Adam.

47
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,690
I'm here to get the keys
to Froggy Cottage.

48
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,258
There might be a little delay
with that.

49
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:05,826
The toilet's broken.
No problem.

50
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:09,597
As long as it's ready by 8.
I planned a surprise date.

51
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:13,201
Ooh. Mints. May I?

52
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,403
Knock yourself out.
Yeah?

53
00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:19,740
[ Mouths words ]

54
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,275
Did you say...

55
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:22,643
a surprise date?

56
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:23,844
I sure did.

57
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,413
With a woman from work.

58
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:26,747
Adam: Gillian.

59
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,882
We both work at
a sewing machine factory

60
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,918
in the accounts receivable
department.

61
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,654
Gillian has worked there
for 134 and one-third days.

62
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,823
She went home early one day
with the flu.

63
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,431
I hope there's no caffeine
in that. [ Chuckles ]

64
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,199
I'm kidding, of course.

65
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,368
What kind of coffee doesn't
have caffeine in it?

66
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,603
Decaf?

67
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:53,307
Yeah, but the decaf pot has
the orange handle, so...

68
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:58,612
[ Bottles rattle ]
[ Sighs, under breath ]
Stupid, stupid.

69
00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,514
You know where they keep
the extra creamer?

70
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,683
All out, huh?
That's strange.

71
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,818
There were 18 packets
in that bowl this morning.

72
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,287
Maybe try the supply closet.

73
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,488
Okay.

74
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,789
Thanks, Adam.

75
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,425
[ Exhales ]

76
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,227
[ Under breath ]
She knows my name.

77
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,502
She's too young for you.

78
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,870
Oh, how would you like
if I said that

79
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,739
about you
and Adam Lambert?

80
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,408
I'd be hurt.

81
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:30,010
And don't forget, I do things
to help keep me young.

82
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,681
Like I -- I watch reruns
of "How I Met Your Mother,"

83
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,749
and I listen to popular music
on the radio.

84
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,351
Do you know what
the fox says?

85
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:38,786
I do.
I know what the fox says.

86
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,854
So, grow a sac
and ask her out already.

87
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,256
No.

88
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,892
I'm too scared. [ Sighs ]

89
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:49,430
I need to figure out a way
to force myself to do it.

90
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,031
Okay, here's the deal.

91
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,835
The next time she wears her blue
sweater with her gray pants,

92
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,036
I'll ask her out.

93
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,806
And if I don't...

94
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,508
If I don't,

95
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,710
then I have to pull out all
the hairs on both my legs

96
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,944
from the knee down.

97
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,513
And we all know
how much it hurts

98
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,948
if you accidentally pull off
just one leg hair.

99
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,718
So, if that's not an incentive
to get something done,

100
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:11,919
I don't know what is.

101
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,687
Listen, I really gotta
get going.

102
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,423
Why don't you explore the town
for a few hours

103
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:16,624
till the place gets ready?

104
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:17,991
Okay.

105
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,527
So I went to a place
called Chubbys.

106
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,462
37 light bulbs.

107
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,863
But back to Gillian.

108
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,665
All I had to do was wait
for her

109
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:27,401
to wear the right outfit
so I was forced to ask her out.

110
00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:28,636
[ Telephone rings ]

111
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,338
Over the next few months,

112
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,872
Gillian wore her blue sweater
eight times,

113
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,508
but always with red pants
or a skirt.

114
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:35,776
[ Telephone rings ]

115
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,413
She wore the gray pants a lot,

116
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:41,014
but never
with the blue sweater.

117
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,884
It was almost like she knew.

118
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:48,956
Then, exactly 189 days after I
made the bet with myself...

119
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,624
Excuse me.
It happened.

120
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:01,435
Blue sweater, gray pants.
Blue sweater, gray pants!

121
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,070
[ Popping lips ]

122
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,538
[ Exhales sharply ]

123
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,411
Go get your Adam Lambert.

124
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,446
But as I rounded the corner,

125
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,548
you could have knocked me over
with a mouse fart.

126
00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:20,488
Well, what happened
to your sweater?

127
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,089
Oh, hi. What?

128
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,692
You were wearing
a blue sweater earlier.

129
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,527
Oh.
I spilled juice on it.

130
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,134
So...

131
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,803
I'm sorry.

132
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,070
I was...

133
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,106
w-wondering...

134
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:42,410
if I could borrow
your stapler.

135
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,677
Mine got wet.

136
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:55,823
Are you gonna start plucking
that leg hair,

137
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,658
or do you need me to do it?

138
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,894
Oh, she wasn't wearing the
sweater when I went over there.

139
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:03,063
Was the deal
that I made with myself

140
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:07,701
to ask her out after she wore it
or while she was wearing it?

141
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:10,938
I guess you weren't real clear
about that.

142
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:15,108
Maybe you should just pull out
the hair on one leg.

143
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:16,777
Sounds fair.

144
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:26,720
Oh. Your daughter's
gonna love that.

145
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,556
Ooh.

146
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,057
Oh, I like it.

147
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,759
It's really smooth.

148
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:35,128
Like the inside
of a baby's nose.

149
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:37,030
Thanks. I like it, too.

150
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,199
If I shut my eyes
and cross my legs,

151
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,770
it feels like I'm laying
next to a girl.

152
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:45,673
You're wasting your time
with that love bullshit.

153
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:49,877
Belie' that.
You give 'em your heart.

154
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,713
You juggle their balls a little
in the bathroom stall,

155
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:56,984
help them escape police custody,
only to have them take

156
00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:02,590
their substantially wide pecker
to Mexico without you.
[ Ice rattling ]

157
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,593
Don't mind her.
She's down in the dumps.

158
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:06,927
I still believe in love.

159
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,195
Me, too.

160
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:11,031
I also believe in Jesus
and ghosts.

161
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,501
I used to believe in myself.

162
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,703
[ Snorts ] Well,
you're wasting your time

163
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:18,772
with that love bullshit,
belie' that.

164
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:23,677
[ Slurring] You give 'em your
heart, you juggle their balls...

165
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:24,978
Wait.

166
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:27,648
Did I already say this,
or did I think it?

167
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,950
I'm...gonna go see
if my cabin's ready.

168
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,785
Anyway, after I chickened out
with Gillian,

169
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,854
I started to worry that she
might find someone else

170
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,723
to be her boyfriend.

171
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,591
Theo from accounts payable cut
her a really nice corner

172
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,126
of his birthday cake last week,

173
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,529
and something told me
it wasn't an accident.

174
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:45,966
I hope this cake doesn't have
any sugar in it.

175
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,835
I'm -- I'm kidding, of course.

176
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,102
What kind of cake
doesn't have sugar?

177
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,804
[ Chuckles nervously ]

178
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,740
[ All chuckles ]

179
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:56,877
I knew I needed to make a move,
and it had to be something big.

180
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,812
[ Typing on keyboard ]

181
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:01,715
A surprise party for two?

182
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:04,217
It's a grand
romantic gesture.

183
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,019
I'll rent one of these cabins
up in the mountains,

184
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,722
and I'll see Gillian an Evite
for a "party" I'm having.

185
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,891
I wrote down a bunch
of made up e-mails,

186
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,627
and I'll send them all
Evites as well.

187
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:17,097
SnickerdoodleLover4326389?

188
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,232
Yeah, I just made a list
of things I know about my mom,

189
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:22,836
followed by some of my favorite
numbers, like RedHair68253

190
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,539
or NotAliveAnymore81309.

191
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,274
Anyway, when Gillian gets
the Evite,

192
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,677
she'll think it's a real party,
but when she gets up there...

193
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,144
surprise!

194
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,547
It's our first date.

195
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,782
[ Clack, thud ]

196
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,316
So, that's pretty much
the plan.

197
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,252
I'm gonna make the cabin look
really romantic with candles.

198
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:40,921
I'm also gonna make
her dinner.

199
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,956
I brought a dessert.
I read on the Facebook

200
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,292
that her favorite food
is Chinese and Italian.

201
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,895
I brought a frozen pizza because
I refuse to eat Chinese food.

202
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,863
I don't like how
it's all mixed together.

203
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,132
How am I supposed to know how
many peas I'm eating?

204
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,767
At least pizza has
the decency

205
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,069
to put the pepperonis on top
so you can count them.

206
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,270
[ Door closes ]

207
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,106
There's no sign
of forced entry.

208
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,642
Are you guys sure you didn't
give the keys to anyone?

209
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:02,843
I know I didn't.

210
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,144
Well, I certainly haven't.

211
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:05,879
Who would I give
the keys to?

212
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,748
Hey, Wilfrid.
Can I check in yet?

213
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,349
I want to take a shower
before the big date.

214
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,851
Yeah, as long
as you don't mind

215
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,185
that one of the toilets
is broken.

216
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,321
I don't mind. Wish me luck.

217
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:18,291
On the Evite, she was a "maybe,"
so, fingers crossed.

218
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:21,729
Hey. How did things go
with your wife visiting?

219
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,196
Oh, yeah.

220
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,799
Not good.
She brought a date.

221
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,134
So sorry to hear that.

222
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,602
Yeah.

223
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:34,207
So, anyway, thanks
for letting me use your cabin.

224
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,744
Hopefully, Gillian and I will
be returning once a year

225
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:39,346
to celebrate the anniversary
of our first date.

226
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,782
In love, Adam.

227
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,050
[ Knock on door ]

228
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,121
P.S. -- You'll never guess
what happened

229
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,590
when I opened the door.

230
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,797
So there I was,

231
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,666
all ready to surprise Gillian
with our date.

232
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,271
Hey.

233
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,173
Hey.

234
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,175
Oh, you know Theo, right?

235
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,777
Of course.

236
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,845
Accounts payable.

237
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,180
You had a birthday
the other day.

238
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:16,249
Yep, and a cake --
with sugar. [ Chuckles ]

239
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,785
Actually,
maybe too much.

240
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,352
I went back for seconds,
and it was all gone.

241
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,221
[ Under breath ]
Maybe if you didn't cut

242
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:24,825
such big slices for some people.
So, a-a-are you guys dating?

243
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,026
Oh, no.
No.

244
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,227
We're just friends.

245
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,696
Yeah, it was such a long ride.

246
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:31,331
So I figured I'd ask Theo
to join me.

247
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,934
That's great to hear...

248
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:38,038
that you're -- you're being
so smart about the long ride.

249
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,873
Way to use the old noodle.

250
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:41,308
[ Blows air ]
When it's just me in the house,

251
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,677
I try not to waste electricity.
[ Blows air ]

252
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,178
I wasn't... [ Blows air ]
expecting... [ Blows air ]

253
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,715
people... [ Blows air ]
this early.

254
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,449
I'm sorry.
The Evite said 8.

255
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,719
Yeah. [ Blows air ]
I just kind of...

256
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:53,386
put that on there.
[ Blows air ] The truth is...

257
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,888
[ Blows air ]
the crew I usually hang with...

258
00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,323
[ Blows air ]
doesn't get started...

259
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:59,126
[ Blows air ]
until much later.

260
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,262
Well, as long as we're here,
do you need help setting up?

261
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,064
No, that's okay.

262
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,934
I was just heading out to get
ready to go buy some beer.

263
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,168
You guys just, uh,

264
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,669
[ Mouth full ] make yourself
at home.

265
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,439
Adam: Guys!

266
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,107
Guys, she brought someone
with her.

267
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:15,776
I have to throw a real party.

268
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,210
Do you know this guy?

269
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,079
-Ish.
I know him -ish.

270
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,848
Can you please come over?

271
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:23,216
I have to make it look like
I'm throwing a real party.

272
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,918
Uh...I guess so.

273
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:27,254
I gotta call my son first,
wish him good night.

274
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,156
Perfect.
I'm gonna go get alcoholic beer.

275
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,724
And then head into town

276
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:32,760
to try to round up
some more party guests.

277
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,928
Say, hey -- do -- do you want
to go to a party?

278
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:37,931
I'm working.
Well, what if I order
a bunch of food?

279
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:41,935
Will you just stick around
a-a-and act like we're friends?

280
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:44,171
I'm not comfortable
with saying we're friends.

281
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,807
But you could tell people I used
to date your sister,

282
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,508
and I'm still hung up on her,
so I'm hanging out with you

283
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,511
as a way to try
to get her to take me back.

284
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,213
Deal.

285
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:56,083
Hey, just curious...

286
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,752
wh-why couldn't we
just be friends?

287
00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,020
I just don't see it.

288
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:06,760
Anyway, it's Froggy Cottage, and
it should be a really fun party.

289
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,796
I invited a bunch
of people I met in town,

290
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,931
and the guy next door
might show up.

291
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,432
[ Police radio chatter ]
Dr. Brown?

292
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,768
I don't know his profession.
Tall, really handsome,

293
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,369
looks like he could lift you
onto a dresser?

294
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,171
Yeah, that's him.

295
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:20,207
Maybe I'll stop by
after my shift.

296
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,474
[ Paper rips ]

297
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,310
Slow down, okay?
Will do.

298
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,213
I'm sorry. Sometimes I count
the numbers on the speedometer

299
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:31,151
when they're going up,
and I don't want them to stop.

300
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,486
[ Door creaks ]
[ Laughing ]

301
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,055
Oh, hey.

302
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,825
I hope you don't mind,
we cooked the pizza.

303
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,026
No. Not at all.

304
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,794
That's what it's there for.

305
00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:43,063
Although save some room
for Chinese.

306
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,531
Do you like Chinese food?

307
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,900
Are you kidding?
I love it!

308
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:49,870
Huh. Me, too.
[ Singsongy ] Twinsies.

309
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,042
As it turns out,

310
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,409
this little mountain town
is super friendly.

311
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,278
And once they heard
I needed help,

312
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,047
they were more than happy
to come to my fake party.

313
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,249
Hey, I hope it's okay that we
brought a few friends.

314
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,884
They heard there'd be
free beer.

315
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,118
Oh, yeah.
The more, the merrier.

316
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,855
There's 149 beers left.

317
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:11,324
Hey.

318
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,927
[ Indistinct conversations ]

319
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:16,563
Hey, look -- that old dude
we're blackmailing is here.

320
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,565
He's with his wife,
all right.

321
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,467
Maybe we should leave?
Hey.

322
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,902
Let's have some fun.

323
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,470
[ Door creaks ]

324
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,172
Hey, look, it's my sister's
ex-boyfriend.

325
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,340
He brought food.

326
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,877
[ Cheering ]
Before I knew it,
I was throwing a real party.

327
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:32,212
* Seal goes ow, ow, ow

328
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:33,914
* But there's a sound

329
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:37,417
* That no one knows

330
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,952
* What does the fox say

331
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:41,254
* Ring-ding-ding-ding
dingeringeding *

332
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,023
* Ring-ding-ding-ding
dingeringeding *

333
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,092
* Ring-ding-ding-ding
dingeringeding *

334
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,894
* What the fox say

335
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,896
* Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow

336
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,397
* Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow

337
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,532
* Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow

338
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,234
* What the fox say

339
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,069
* Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho

340
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,938
* Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho

341
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,907
* Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho

342
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,541
* What the fox say

343
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,576
* Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo
tchoff *

344
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,512
* Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo
tchoff *

345
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,480
* Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo

346
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,449
* What the fox say

347
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:16,456
[ Upbeat music playing ]

348
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:17,958
Hey, Adam.

349
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:20,961
This is a really cool place.

350
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,930
What happened to your food?

351
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,197
I spilled it.

352
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,967
And then I was cleaning
it up, and, wow,

353
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,403
I didn't even realize I was
putting it into these piles.

354
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:33,206
I guess you could take the
accountant out of the office,

355
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,375
but you can't take the counting
out of the accountant.

356
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:39,046
-[ Chuckles ]
-Do you like Kung Pao chicken?

357
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,413
I love it. If it's Chinese,
I love it.

358
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,082
I love Chinese food.

359
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:44,317
You know, you -- you and I,
we share that in common.

360
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,187
We were sharing chopsticks.

361
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,957
That's like one step away
from kissing.

362
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,960
If she has a mouth disease,
now we both have it.

363
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,661
So good.

364
00:14:57,464 --> 00:15:00,133
[ Grunts ] There aren't any
peanuts in there,

365
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:02,569
are -- are there?

366
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,071
Oh. [ Chuckles ]

367
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,605
Oh, you're kidding, right?
[ Laughs ]

368
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:08,175
Okay -- what kind of Kung Pao
doesn't have peanuts?

369
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,409
[ Laughs ]

370
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,711
I'm beginning
to get your humor, Adam.

371
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,580
Yeah, well, you know,
my mother always said,

372
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,583
"Adam, humor is the bedrock
of any relationship."

373
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,318
Ha.

374
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,654
And stay away from peanuts,
because you're allergic.

375
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,999
Hey.
Do you have recycling...

376
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,234
Holy shit,
what happened to your face?

377
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,470
Peanuts. I ate peanuts,
and I'm allergic.

378
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,972
[ Sets can down ]
All right, we need to get you
to the hospital, pronto.

379
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,207
No, no, no, no,
don't say anything.

380
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,474
It will ruin everything
with Gillian.

381
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:44,978
Okay, I'm breathing okay,
and...

382
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,646
the -- the itching is getting
better, okay?

383
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,348
I'm fine.
Please, don't say anything.

384
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:51,051
This may be my only chance
at love, please.

385
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:53,120
Okay. Okay, settle down.
Maybe you're not anaphylactic,

386
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,521
but I'd feel better

387
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,156
if we could get
an epinephrine injection in you.

388
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,690
I'm gonna run to the hospital.
Okay.

389
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,692
If you start to have trouble
breathing, you call 9-1-1.

390
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,162
Okay, I'm fine.
Okay?

391
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:05,198
I'm fine. [ Hawks throat ]

392
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:08,101
Hey, would you mind giving me
a ride somewhere real quick?

393
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,302
Like, with sirens
and everything?

394
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,737
I'd love to!

395
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,405
If go real fast around
the turns,

396
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,307
you might have to hold onto
my thigh for safety.

397
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:17,177
It's called
Chubbys Bikini Bar.

398
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,179
[ Door opens ]
Okay, I know that place.

399
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,714
I pass it on my way
to dialysis.
[ Door closes ]

400
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:24,317
What exactly goes on
in there?

401
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,752
You know,
sometimes a pervert

402
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,687
tries to lure us
into the storage room,

403
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,556
but mostly, we just dance.

404
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:32,025
I just started
dancing myself.

405
00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:35,262
My husband and I are practicing
so we can go line dancing.

406
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,729
That's my husband over there.

407
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,631
Wilfrid, this is Vivian.

408
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,033
Oh, hello.

409
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:43,236
Nice to, uh, meet you, Vivian.

410
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:45,538
I'm so sorry about this.

411
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,075
Yeah. Yeah, whatever.

412
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,077
Your shoelace is untied.

413
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,712
So, why do they
call it Chubbys?

414
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:56,183
A chubby is what some people
call a fella's wiener

415
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,517
when it's half hard.

416
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,219
Really?

417
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,754
Damn, they got a name
for everything, don't they?

418
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:05,825
My granddaughter just taught me
what a queef was.

419
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,828
What's a queef?

420
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:12,065
Pussy fart.

421
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:14,134
Thanks again
for coming with me.

422
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,702
I had no idea
what to expect.

423
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:17,404
Adam didn't strike me
as the type of guy

424
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,406
to throw a crazy party.

425
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,274
-He's kind of old.
-I know.

426
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,675
He kind of reminds me
of my uncle Lou,

427
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,312
always trying
to act younger than he is.

428
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,414
Yeah, well, I'm sure we'll be
the same way when we're his age.
[ Bottle caps fizz ]

429
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,582
Plus, Adam is
just super sweet.

430
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,318
That's why I had to come.

431
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,552
I'm just glad we're
becoming friends.

432
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,254
He's a good guy.

433
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,523
Listen, I know earlier
you said this isn't a date,

434
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,258
and I didn't think it was,
either.

435
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,828
But would you want to go out
some time?

436
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:45,198
I'd love to. [ Chuckles ]

437
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,567
You know, Adam is gonna love it
when he finds out

438
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,404
that his party is the reason
that you and I got together.

439
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:56,743
[ Siren wails ]

440
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,211
[ Engine turns off ]

441
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,081
[ Bird calls in distance ]

442
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,288
Oh, my God.

443
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,257
Oh, jeez! Adam!

444
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,491
[ Panting ]

445
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,660
Oh!

446
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:14,694
[ Cap pops ]

447
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,629
[ Thud ]

448
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,666
[ Exhales deeply ]

449
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:22,635
Hey, guys.

450
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,237
Hey.

451
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:27,140
Hi. Hi.

452
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,742
Before long, I was breathing
normally again.

453
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,912
And after a few more hours
of fun, the party was over.

454
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,914
[ Laughter ]

455
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,716
Thanks for coming, friends.

456
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:40,187
I'll see you later, Eddie.
Good luck with my sister.

457
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,854
Bye.
[ Bicycle bell rings ]

458
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,890
Thanks.
Bye.

459
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,159
Thanks, Adam.
Bye, Theo.

460
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:50,330
I'll see you guys at work
in 31 hours and 17 minutes.

461
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:51,598
Okay.

462
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:04,577
As far as my love life goes,
the night was a bust.

463
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,447
But I did make some
new friends, and I'm alive.

464
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,649
So, I guess it wasn't
a total loss.

465
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,318
Your tenant, Adam.

466
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,620
P.P.S. -- you've got
a serious insect problem

467
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,388
inside your kitchen cupboard.

468
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:16,656
There were too many to count.

469
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,500
[ Knocking ]

470
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,241
Who is it?

471
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,775
It's Abby.

472
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,445
I'm here for the party.

473
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:39,846
Hi.

474
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,314
I know I'm kind of late.

475
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,383
I got an Evite
about a week ago.

476
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,717
I thought it might be
a mistake,

477
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,353
but my e-mail address
is so strange,

478
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,587
I don't know how
that could happen.

479
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:50,457
SnickerdoodleLover4326389.

480
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,592
The number signifies how many
snickerdoodle cookies

481
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,328
I think it would take to ease
tensions in the Middle East.

482
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,697
Anyway, I was sitting
at home tonight, doing nothing,

483
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,832
as always, and I thought,
"What the heck?

484
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,701
Maybe I should go
to that party."

485
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,571
But I just couldn't muster up
the nerve to walk to my car.

486
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:07,374
So, I made a deal with myself
that if I saw a commercial

487
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:08,975
for that egg-shaped
cheese grater thing

488
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:11,010
that you use to get
the dead skin off your feet,

489
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,580
that would be a sign
I should get in my car and go.

490
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,516
And wouldn't you know, halfway
through "How I Met Your Mother,"

491
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,984
there it was...

492
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:19,952
that silly foot egg.

493
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,755
So...here I am.

494
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,359
Party's over.

495
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:30,830
What a weirdo.

496
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,932
* Show me the best
that you got *

497
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:38,271
* And I'll show you one better

498
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,407
* Tell me a dirty joke

499
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:44,944
* And I'll laugh it off
lightly *

500
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,614
* If I tell you a dirty joke

501
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:52,719
* You might not like me

502
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:57,457
* Everyone gets
to make one big mistake *

503
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,461
* And if you're waiting on me

504
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:04,697
* Well, I guess you
gonna have to wait *

505
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,871
Tommy!

506
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:13,706
Oh, baby, look!

507
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,408
Look at these cabins
they got up here.

508
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:16,876
Honey, we should rent one.

509
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:19,412
I don't want to sleep
in the El Camino.

510
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,047
I don't have a lot of cash.

511
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,715
We don't need cash, baby.

512
00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:25,051
I still got all these
stolen credit cards, okay?

513
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:28,020
You gotta do it, though, 'cause
they all got boys names on them.

514
00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:30,056
I'll meet you
in the car, okay?

515
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:32,024
Uh, but I already
got two strikes.

516
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:33,626
Don't be a pussy.

517
00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:40,567
* Everyone gets to make
one big mistake *